Mothers Intuition

Have you ever had an instinct? An instinct that begins as a gnawing...Then grows into a raging burn; a burning instinct that something is wrong...

Your baby continues to get sick from the very foods he is supposed to thrive on. I did. I am a mom of a little boy just diagnosed with FPIES.

And that burning feeling now? Extinguished. My instincts? Stronger than ever. Guiding me, with my faith, as we navigate through the murky waters of our new world created by something called FPIES.

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Surviving not thriving....

I used to refer to Little Man as that- that we were just surviving the days, he was not thriving. This is what some foods do to him and I honestly just do not know why. Even before he is having overtly outward FPIES symptoms, it is the build symptoms we know all too well but it is these symptoms that his docs want to see if we can push through, that it is some sort of adjustment thing. Maybe if we knew it was just adjustment or some other intolerance, we could do it… IF I knew that on the other side of this torture was a new food! But, we don’t know that, and for all we do know (and for his history), it is a build to a full FPIES reaction that could be prevented if we stop early enough. And then his system gets so off (presumably from the inflammatory cascade it is fighting on a daily basis while we keep pushing a food his body doesn’t have the mechanisms to tolerate). I’m not sure how long it will take to come back to ‘normal’ (yes, he has a normal).

That is why were supposed to be getting labs throughout the trial. He has a PICC line, enabling us to watch what is happening in his body so that he doesn’t have to go through this additional suffering; so we can match his first signals to what is happening in his body – his body fighting for oral tolerance or his body building to a reaction and each day less and less of the anti-inflammatory mediators are “winning” and more of the inflammatory cascade is taking over.

Through the zucchini trial, each day, he ate less and less and each day his symptoms build more and more. But his stools have evened out from all water/soaked in the diaper, to a thicker consistency but with some significant mucus in some of them. His symptoms are just all over the place. It reminds me of when we did the probiotic, and we pushed through and we got some great results (2# weight gain, increased appetite, happy playing boy) but then he hit a plateau on the probiotics; or he was building an intolerance to one of the inactive ingredients (which I am suspecting more now that he “failed” them after stopping them in August, and then re-introduction of them recently. And then my mind goes to- what if he was building an immune response to the probiotic ingredients all along and that is why he had so many complications this spring/summer? Why he had colitis with each food introduction, why he has had small intestine damage on the scopes, and why he has had persistently severe anemia. It was as if the probiotic was helping him with the gut flora but then hurting him with the intolerance to the extra ingredients. A change in probiotic to one with no added ingredients only made our picture so very messy as his system clearly did not tolerate those. And yet, my mind goes back to those beginning days on probiotics when we learned so much about how his body goes through so many FPIES-ish symptoms but that nothing was building or consistent, and it all evened off and we got great results (even if just for awhile). My mind keeps going back to where my original thoughts were, when he was just an infant….that there is something wrong with his gut flora- that any dramatic change in that alters his system and that too many times, his body can’t cope with those changes; because it doesn’t have the proper support. When he was breastfed, he had the support- again, another catch 22…where the breastmilk was giving him protective effects but it was still upsetting his system- and too much upset just tipped the glass over.

I didn’t WANT to think it is the zucchini itself. So, what is it then? Why the build? Why tolerate for a few days and then crash and roll? Why so many foods causing these symptoms and eventually (build) causing a reaction? Why can’t his body “win”? My gut says it’s his gut….

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